Getting Your Children To Tidy Their Rooms

Almost every parent comes up against this one - and for many it is a source of great aggravation, frustration, and countless fights and arguments. So how do you solve it? Here are some tips:

Typically, the child’s room is overflowing with things, and there is not enough space in the cupboards and drawers. So, the first thing to do is to provide more space for their stuff, which may appear useless to you but is very precious for them. You might have to invest in additional shelves, boxes under the bed, or chests of drawers.

Always, make more room than is required today, because the stuff will go on increasing and the problem will remain unsolved if there is not sufficient space. Moreover, there should be enough space to let the child take out what he wants without having to empty the whole drawer.

Next thing to do is to make a routine and set up reasonable expectations. Many children are by nature very meticulous and organized; some are not. Also, their concept of tidiness may be very different from yours. If you think you can see their room spic and span all through the day, you are mistaken. It is an unreasonable expectation; it will only lead to frustration. It would be better if you take your child’s views and then establish a reasonable standard of tidiness, and how often that should be achieved.

Remember, your goal should be to teach your children how to responsibly look after their belongings; it should not be to showcase a spic and span room to show off to others. If you are taking up this exercise only because the untidiness gets on your nerves, then stop and think again. This will not help you or your child. Set your emotions aside and focus on teaching a good habit to your child. Therefore, you will have to be patient and live with an untidy room at times.

You need to establish reasonable expectations, such as putting things away before bedtime and a once-a-week thorough tidy-up. Then you can draw up some kind of contract.

In this you should spell out the consequences for success and failure. Give clear indications of what the rewards or punishments would be.

Again, the focus should be on rewards not punishments. Give them earned privileges based on achieving the goal. You may want to combine them with a chart system connected to other chores.

In addition you can also use some punishments for failure, but the must be logical consequences. I.e, the punishment should fit the crime. One example of this is to use the "black bag" technique. Quite simply this states that anything still lying on the floor at 1pm on Saturday gets picked up (by parents) and put into a big black bag which is then thrown into the attic, basement or garage for a week. They can have it back if, next Saturday, the tidy goal is achieved. If not, then that week's black bag collection is also thrown into the basement. This continues until either they run out of toys or they do some tidying up!

The secret of success of this exercise is in remaining calm and firm. Avoid shouting or other punishments. Just go at the appointed time and collect the offending articles.

Do this a couple of times and most children will get the message and tidy up before you get there with the black bag!

Finally, if there is a special reason why you want the room tidied up at a non-contracted time - if, for example, you have visitors who will need to borrow your child's room for a night or two - then remember that this is extra to your original contract, so it would be only fair to offer an additional incentive for them to tidy up. It is, after all, for your benefit, not theirs!

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