Parenting Advice: What if My Child Won't Go to School?

"How do I get my nine-year-old daughter to school? She seems to have tummy aches or headaches constantly, and misses several days of school each week. Any suggestion that she must go and she screams and cries and seems to be genuinely afraid of going to school. What can we do?"

You need to be firm with her. Don't count on the problem going away if you ignore it. She could end up not ever going back.

However, don't be angry with her as her anxiety and distress are real.

Try to work out if her fear is about going to school (school phobia), leaving you or home (separation anxiety), or going into crowded public places (agoraphobia).

Talk with her teachers. She might be having trouble on the way to school such as bullying, embarrassment, or abused. These things could also be happening once she gets to school. Identify the problems so that you can work with her on them.

Have her pediatrician examine her. Tell him what's going on so that he can check for serious illness.

Once the doctor has done this, believe him! Do not chase after ever more expensive tests. From this point onwards your assumption is that the child is well and so should be in school. Give her firm and confident reassurance that both she and you will be fine when she is there. If she complains again of being unwell you then have two options:

First, get her to school unless you determine that she truly is sick. In that case she would be running a fever, or have nausea and/ or diarrhea, etc. If she just tells you she doesn't feel well, that isn't enough to let her stay home. Adults often go to work with uncomfortable symptoms.

The second option is to take her word for it and act accordingly. Since she is ill, she should be in bed. Turn off her lights, close the curtains, and don't allow any TV or special snacks. Just go about your daily routine and don't give her any attention. Make sure that being at home is as boring as can be. If she can't sleep, then she should work on her studies. Don't allow any visitors.

Along with this, set up clear incentives (rewards, privileges) for getting to school.

You must be tough and firm, but also calm, about all of this. Be clear that you expect her to be at school, but do not get into a fight with her about it. The goal is for her to want to get back as quickly as possible. Once there, and she discovers that nothing does happen to her or to you while at school, the symptoms of depression and anxiety should rapidly resolve.

If none of this works, or if you are concerned about a serious depression or anxiety disorder, seek professional help through your family doctor.

Article Source: http://www.articlemonk.com

Dr. Noel Swanson is a child psychiatrist who specializes in child behaviour problems. He writes for a fascinating website with lots of parenting help that is well worth a visit, not to mention his must-read book, The GOOD CHILD Guide.
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