Six Tips To Help Avoid A Fight With Your Teenager

Your child has become a teenager. You have enjoyed the first thirteen years of raising your child. You worried about them all the time. You changed too many diapers to keep count and you watched in pride as they won the fourth grade spelling bee. You helped them through the struggles in life such as scraped knees and taking their first test at school.

Those years must have been the most strenuous, right? They were 100% dependent upon you and that took a great deal of your energy. Shouldn't it be simpler now that they are teenagers? They are more independent and don't need your supervision in every situation. They can do some of the chores in the house and in the garden. They can take care of themselves if you want to go out for a late movie. You talk with them about subjects you will both enjoy, right?

How come what happens next is that things change when your child goes through their teenage years? What happens? In some societies, a 13 year old would be thought of as an adult. They could work in the government and even marry. This is not the case in Western society. Teen years in the Western part of the world are stricken with with conflict and struggles.

Clearly stated it is due to human development and everyone's expectations.

The first is that the teen years are a period of amazing brain development. The brain is an ever changing machine - almost like a self-programming computer. It is constantly making, strengthening, weakening and breaking connections. It is these connections that form the basis of memory, of learned skills, of perception, and of social reasoning.

From birth through age 12, your child's brain absorbs and learns a large amount. At birth the brain communicates through non-verbal means and by age 12 your child can communicate through effective verbal and reasoning means.

Then the teenage years hit the brain like a hurricane. The brain goes into a state of chaos after which it rebuilds itself. While your brain is rebuilding itself your child might not be able to do some of the things they could before. For example, speaking to the opposite sex has suddenly become virtually impossible without becoming quite nervous. Throughout the teen years your child will need to understand the components of social interaction and how they fit into the whole social setting. They will make friends and strive to find their sexual ife partner.

Comprehending the ins and outs of the social scene can be difficult for their teenage brain. Their brain goes back and forth between its methods of operation during their pre-teen years and how they are expected to act as teens. This tug-of-war can make the social behavior of a teenager inconsistent and sometimes perplexing.

This tug-of-war is also affected greatly by the ups and downs of their sex hormones. Plus, teens tend to stay up late and skip much needed sleep. These factors together can make for one feisty teenager.

Teens also have to deal with the different expectations placed on them now that they are older. They hear every day from many sources that they "should" be doing certain things and the definitions between normal and abnormal. Expectations for how they should act during each year of their teenage experience is detailed by their parents, friends, teachers, police, and society. It can be hard for a teenager to discern exactly how they should act when they have all these people forcing their opinions on them.

This leads into the problem with forcing expectations. If you have one, then there is the possibility that your expectation will not be met. A behavior that is considered a "no-no" is turned into a big problem.

The combination of the varying expectations, sex hormones, and plain teenage angst cause your teenager to act like an angel one minute and a scounderel the next.

So, how do you manage all of this? Here are some ideas. Next time you are in an argument with your teen - or getting frustrated with his or her behavior, consider the following:

1) Fighting and yelling are not effective.

2) Your teenager wishes to have the optimal outcome as well. They are relying on the ability of their perceptions and skills which could vary greatly from yours.

3) It is important to note that your teenager is still trying to understand their role in life and also may not understand either why the two of you are fighting.

4) Why is it such a potent problem? Whose expectation has not been met? Is this really a devastating problem in the big world of life?

5) Brainstorm different ways of communicating with your teenager besides forcing them to see things your way.

6) Your teenager will outgrow the teenager years in a matter of a few years. Think about the future and what kind of memories you want to create.

Yes, have rules. Yes have expectations. But, at the same time, Mom, Dad, chill out a bit. Don't totally alienate them - find some ways of having FUN again.

Article Source: http://www.articlemonk.com

For a free newsletter about child behavior and parenting and for his highly acclaimed book, The GOOD CHILD Guide, visit Dr. Noel Swanson's website www.good-child-guide.com.

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