Some of the Funnier Things Said

In a rut? Grumbling about all the nonsense in your life? Switch to decaf and lighten up a bit. Easier said then done, eh? Well, give these jokes and quotes a read. They should do the trick.

1. Rodney Dangerfield - I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

2. Paul Ehrlich - To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

3. Steven Wright - I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

4. Jay Leno - Dick Cheney says he loves California - out here the rich and famous can shoot people and get away with it. Wait till these Enron guys find out that in prison, the term "Insider trading" has a whole new meaning.

5. Dave Attell - You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike

6. Steven Wright - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

7. Rodney Dangerfield - My wife was afraid of the dark...then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

8. George Bush - Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do it, that's trustworthiness.

9. Groucho Marx - She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

10. Rodney Dangerfield - I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

11. Jerry Seinfield - Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

12. Steven Wright - If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

13. George Bush - The point now is how do we work together to achieve important goals. And one such goal is a democracy in Germany.

14. Rodney Dangerfield - I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

15. Steven Wright - Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

At the end of the day, we all usually need a good laugh. Hopefully, the above quotes and jokes provided it. If not, there are tons of sites with them, so get to clicking!