Watch Your Language! - How Parents Can Help Kids Help Themselves

'I felt great until I walked into the classroom - then it all went wrong!'

You may think these are the words of a teacher. But no, it was a high school student just before an important exam. She'd worked hard. A good result would mean a place in college, so she'd made sure she was in the right frame of mind.

But she soon forgot herself. Once inside the classroom where everyone was waiting before going to the exam hall, she made the mistake of letting the others affect her.

She told me the atmosphere in the room was charged with negativity. People were sitting around with gloomy faces, some were wringing their hands and pacing up and down. Others were muttering such comments as: 'I'm going to fail, I just know it!' 'This is going to be SO hard!' 'Mr Brown said we've nobody to blame but ourselves.' 'Yeah, it's been an easy paper the last two years. They're bound to toughen up this year.'

As it continued the student told me she felt the positive energy being sucked out of her. Instead of feeling confident she began to feel sick with fear.

Fortunately, she passed the exam, but she and her family and teachers were disappointed that she never gained the high grade expected of her.

However, she learned two very important lessons that day: * Negative language produces negative results * If we're not careful we can easily become 'infected' by the negativity of others.

Our experience in any situation is largely influenced by our attitude to it, (i.e. the way we FEEL, the way we react emotionally to the situation).

Our attitude is affected by our thoughts, our thoughts affect our language, and our thoughts are in turn affected BY our language.

And it's not only our own language we must watch! As mentioned above, if we allow them to, other people's words can have a bad effect on us. In my country (the UK) teachers and parents are quite used to hearing students claim to be 'stuck' when they're at their school or homework. They've come up against some challenging material and need to find a way forward.

Parents often refer the matter to the teacher - which is fair enough, as they are there to help.

But what's the effect of saying 'I'm stuck'?

How does the brain react to such language?

This is something I've monitored in class many times and the results are predictable. Usually when someone says they are 'stuck', I'll tell them to get on with it and I'll be over shortly.

The same response will be given to students who say, 'Can you help me, please?'

Now, without fail, the students who were 'stuck' sit and vegetate until the teacher comes over. After all, they've given their brains a message: 'Down tools! There's nothing more we can do right now.'

The kids who say they need help, however, are always to be found pondering over their work, trying to work out a solution.

See how language works?

I should add, I only ever hear the cries of 'I'm stuck!' in a class that's new to me. Very quickly the students learn that they're not trees, so they're not stuck!

This is not a denial of reality - it's simply a way of INTERPRETING reality, and a much better, more effective way at that.

It's amazing how many people say they'd like to write a novel. I've heard that many times, but I'll always remember the woman who said 'but I don't think I ever will.'

She was rather offended when I replied, 'No, I don't suppose you will.'

But we went on to talk about the effect of negative words and she appreciated where she was going wrong. Remember Henry Ford? 'If you think you can't - you're right!'

What, then, can parents do to help not only their children's schooling but their life skills?

Help them be aware of the language they use, and demonstrate what we mean by keeping our own words positive. They'll soon pick up that 'Science is too hard!' will only make it more challenging for them.

'I need to work at it' will make it easier to do just that!

Now we're on the right track, but what should they do if they're assaulted by negativity from others and lose their way?

This trick may sound ridiculous, but rest assured, it's effective!

The best thing to do when you come up against negative language or gestures is to remove yourself. But if that's not possible, imagine you're inside a huge bubble or jar, which moves around with you.

Tell yourself that your positive contributions can go out and affect others, but their negative comments bounce off and don't get near you.

Take it for a test drive. You'll like it

Enjoy being a parent!

Article Source: http://www.articlemonk.com

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