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A Christmas Of Good Intentions By : Tim Knox Christmas is that time of the year when we all rejoice and celebrate. However, along with Christmas comes a chore that is troublesome to some people - "shopping". This article relates just one such trip to avoid doing last minute shopping by going for it a full week in advance. All The President's Women By : Tim Knox How does the nation take the allegations against President Bill Clinton? There have been national surveys and forecasts by amateurs and pundits alike. Here is an analysis of the whole episode as well as some advice for the President. Armadillo On The Half Shell By : Tim Knox The origins of the human food menu is certainly a mystery that is yet unsolved. However, it seems that some amendments are certainly being made in these dietary standards today! Beanie Babies Anonymous By : Tim Knox The Beanie Babies syndrome has really caught on with no end in sight. Read on to see some of the effects of this mania and some tips on how to cure it. El Nino Made Me Do It! By : Tim Knox The changing climate certainly does pose a threat to our planet and eco-system. However, it also presents an opportunity for those who need to blame somethine Getting "Yankee Naked" By : Tim Knox Nakedness is no longer a word that is self explanatory. There are just so many variations of this word with each having a different meaning that an explanation of the braod categories is necessary. This is just what this article sets out to do! Ghosts Of Halloweens Past By : Tim Knox Times may have changed but the spirit of Halloween continues to live on. Children today have as much as they did in the past - and so do their parents! Gimme A Head With Hair By : Tim Knox A man's hair are certainly one of his best assets and a matter of pride. For many their loss can cause depression and anxiety that must be taken care of by an expert psychotherapist - or better still by a sports car! Growing Old In A Red Miata By : Tim Knox I just had another birthday and I'm not particularly happy about it. To me, that's like saying, "I'm another year closer to having my prostate removed! Somebody bake me a cake and let's party!" Honey, Did You Take Your Pill? By : Tim Knox A birth control pill for men? As if remembering to take out the trash isn't enough pressure. I Hope You Kept The Receipt By : Tim Knox Will it be something from Victoria's Secret or another beefstick this year? I Love You, You Love Me By : Tim Knox Barney The Dinosaur is suing The Famous San Diego Chicken for beating up a Barney lookalike during his act. Sounds like a clear case of costume envy to me. I Was Rooting For By : Tim Knox Who was I rooting for in the Iron Bowl? Sorry, if I tell you, I'll have to kill you If You Clone A Schizophrenic By : Tim Knox Scientists have successfully cloned a sheep and a cow. What's next? Dogs? Cats? Professional wrestlers? Me? And if you clone a schizophrenic, how many people do you get? No Sale Like A Yardsale By : Tim Knox Remember, it's not how much you spend at a yardsale, but how much you talk them down Pick On Somebody Your Own Size By : Tim Knox Mattel's redesigning Barbie to make her more realistic. Imagine Christy Brinkley going in, David Brinkley. Show Me The Money By : Tim Knox The stock market could crash like a circus fat lady falling over a lawn chair and it wouldn't affect me in the least. All my money's tied up in bills; electric bill, phone bill, Visa bill etc. Smoke 'em If You Can Afford 'em By : Tim Knox What's the difference between a $30 cigar and one that costs fifty cents. The answer begins with cow poop. Some People Will Eat Anything By : Tim Knox Most people are like Mikey, the old Life cereal kid. We are nondiscriminating carnivores who will eat anything -- especially if it can be made to taste like chicken Sometimes Life Just Ain't Funny By : Tim Knox Alabama weather is about as predictable as watching The Jerry Springer Show. You know something's going to happen, you're just not sure what it will be. St. Viagra's Dance By : Tim Knox The impotency drug Viagra has every old person I know talking about having sex again. All I have to say is, 'Folks, please, not in front of the children! Staying Alive By : Tim Knox If someone offered you a pill that would add 50 years to your life, would you take it? Not me. At least not until I found out who'd be footing the bill for all that extra life. The Dust Settles On Miss America By : Tim Knox The Miss America Pageant is taking its last breath. Will the mourners have to wear swimsuits to the funeral, or will evening gowns be enough? The Four Letters Between PG & R By : Tim Knox When you're a kid, there are certain words you dare not say. Swear words, my mother called them, cuss words. Today, my kids call them "daddy words." You can probably figure out why. The Intelligent Diaper By : Tim Knox I believe it was Frank Zappa who said, "Necessity is the mother of invention," which means that if there is a need for something, sooner or later, someone will invent it. And then Microsoft will rip it off. The New Fab Four By : Tim Knox They sing, they dance, they drive the kids wild. But how best to describe the Teletubbies to the uninitiated? Imagine this: if Pink Floyd produced a half-hour show for kids, this would be it. And you would enjoy it immensely. The Real McCaugheys By : Tim Knox What's it take to raise seven babies? Love, patience, understanding, and Prozac, lots and lots of Prozac. The Religion Of Football By : Tim Knox Here in Alabama, there are three kinds of people: Crimson Tide fans, War Eagle fans, and atheists. The Sky Is Falling By : Tim Knox When you turn on the TV and learn that a giant, killer asteroid is headed your way, you have to ask yourself certain questions. Like, should I have that second bowl of Crispy Hexagons or just stop at one? The Smarter White Meat By : Tim Knox A college professor at Penn State is trying to teach pigs to communicate using computers. I think this guy is one pork rind short of a full bag. Who wants to get email from a pig? The Tanya Factor By : Tim Knox Is it me or are the '98 Winter Olympics about as exciting as watching old people speedwalk at the mall? What's missing this year? Could be The Tanya Factor The Tax Man Cometh By : Tim Knox Someone once said the only things in life that are certain are death and taxes I think the only difference between the two is that death claims you just once, but taxes can kill you every year. The Unsinkable Tim Knox By : Tim Knox I call them 'Ti-taniacs.' They look perfectly normal at first, but eventually they will ask, 'Have you seen 'Titanic' yet? That's when their dimentia rolls to the surface and the all-out assault begins Thingamabobs And Whatchamadigits By : Tim Knox My daughter cornered me the other night, wanting to know about the birds and bees. Actually, she wanted to know what "sectional misconduct" was. What's My Mama Gonna Say? By : Tim Knox I know you're going to find this hard to believe, but I, Tim Knox, am a sexist pig. Sorry, mama. I had no idea. When Great Minds Meet By : Tim Knox When the richest man in America meets the world's greatest Elvis impersonator, you know only good things could come of it. Could 'Don't Be Cruel' really become Microsoft's new theme song? Who Cracked My Crystal Ball? By : Tim Knox Predictons for the new year as foretold over a beer and Polish sausage sandwich Women Are From Where? By : Tim Knox A remote control in the hands of a woman is a dangerous thing, especially when it's her man she's trying to change. Some of the Funnier Things Said By : Steven Jeny In a rut? Grumbling about all the nonsense in your life? Switch to decaf and lighten up a bit. Easier said then done, eh? Well, give these jokes and quotes a read. They should do the trick. Farting the lighter side By : Fartin Martin Flatulence is a natural body function that involves relaxing of the anal sphincter to release gases that have built up in the digestive tract. Flatulence is common in mammals and as a body function flatulence is only a matter of cosmetic concern if the frequency of passing gas is high. Today there are various remedies and drugs available that can control the volume and frequency of flatulence. However there is no cure as such for flatulence, as flatulence is a natural body process like breathing. Wedding Entertainment Ideas: 5 Great Reasons to Have a Magician at Your Wedding By : David Willmott Weddings are magical occasions for all involved but to bring that extra spark of enchantment, you should look into hiring a magician to perform at your wedding reception. Here are 5 great reasons to hire a magician. Valentine's Day Cards By : Aun Rizvi Valentine’s Day is celebrated every year on February the 14th. This day is celebrated to express love. For lovers it is the most important day as they can express their deepest feelings to their loved ones. On Valentine’s Day we honor all those people who we love the most. Love is the most beautiful feeling in which our heart does the talking. To express this beautiful feeling millions and millions are spent on cards, flowers, gifts and candies every year. The best way to express the impact of love is the Valentine Card. Katana master By : Denis Portov This story took place in feudal Japan in the 18th century. The great warrior and commander Uesugi Kenshin said, "A warrior has success in his head, armor on his chest, and his fate is in heaven. Go to fight with confidence and you'll come back without a single wound… Everybody is happy in their own way By : Denis Portov It’s hard to say for sure what happiness is, but some old people consider themselves experts in this area… Maybe they’re just pretending to know, carrying out their insidious plans? April Fool’s trick By : Denis Portov One of the best and funniest April Fool’s tricks was invented and played by me last year. I should say that my friend and me used to make fun of each other regularly on April Fool’s Day with varying success... Crazy student hostel By : Denis Portov Once again about student hostel (this topic has no ending). The story how a door jamb met a head and how the latter capitulated to the former. AIDS epidemic in the USSR By : Denis Portov When an adult suffers from а child disease, it is extraordinary painful. Just as it happened to me at the late Soviet time when I caught measles, was bedridden for three days with a fever heat of 40C and was going to die... Our police takes care of us By : Denis Portov This story was told by one of my friends (and edited by me). I can’t say for sure if the story is true but in case of dire need personal information about the participants has been changed. How to choose a venue for your fun casino event! By : Michiel Van Kets Want a successful event? Why not consider a Vegas style casino, just be sure to choose the right venue, get it right and you will have a great event, get it wrong and you could be looking at a flop! How To Make Women Laugh By : milan Let me tell you that there exists an effortless way to become a funnier women (or a man), than you have been through all of your life. But before we continue, we will demonstrate the reason something’s hilarious, from the point great neurologists look at it.

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